Saying Goodbye to Jason

I think this will be the last blogpost focusing on the passing away of my friend Jason Rose. 

Writing a blog has always had multiple reasons for me. Partly to share with friends what i love, and in some cases simply to poor my thoughts out and reflect. It can be cathartic. So some of what i write here might upset some in the way i write frankly about my experience.

Some would not react the way i have. Part of me feels like i should not talk about Jay, that i should stay quiet and not tweet or blog every moment of whats happend. But I'm overwhelmed with a need to tell every single person who he was, want everyone to feel how good he made me feel.

I traveled to Plymouth on the Friday a day after returning from an inconvenient week in Wales (ill blog about that later). My faithful friend Rob gave me his place to stay at for the weekend (yet another friend i probably would not have met if it weren't for Jay). I turned up at the house i had visited countless times over the past 13 years, its familiar house number and colour with a door bell that fails more than works. I then had a good chat with Jays Mum. She seemed amazingly strong for a mother who had lost not just a son, but a friend. I could see and understand how her chosen religion and friends was giving her that strength. Then it was time to see Jason one last time.

I had never seen a friend dead. It was a new experience to ad to my life, so i guess in a weird way i should thank Jay for that. I was lead into a dim lit room where the coffin was and in it lay a body. It was strange, and others said similar things later, he did not look like the friend i knew. In a rather funny way it look like someone had stolen a mannequin from JD's and stuck on a suit and hoped to get away with loosing the real body. I was left alone in the room and i found myself desperately looking for some evidence that this was the real him, and then i noticed on the bridge of his nose the familiar smattering of freckles. At that point i remembered the first time i saw him as an 11 year old following closely his older brother. That moment and this one by his coffin, two book ends propping up all of my memories in beautifully complete collection. It was at that point i cried.

I then headed back to Jays where i sat in his room. His mum had cleaned it all up expecting him to come home which was kinda strange as it made his room seem slightly alien. It did not take me long though to find the dusty cupboards full of Jays old stuff. Things like a pack of Caps that he used to use to make bangers. His DVD collection, a huge part of came from me. His south park collection. His CD's of music spanning across his life, from Nirvana, to less than Jake, and of course his recent favourites such as Sage Francis which they later played in the Funeral Service. His favourite hoodies hung up and i can't help but recognise the smell of Jay on them. 

Peoples rooms are so fascinating, the way you can build
a picture of who they were from whats laying around.

Later that day i went with Rob and Rezza to join Jays brother and father at a grunge style bar/pub/hole in the ground. Suddenly I'm surrounded by guys who i haven't seen in so many years, all taller, all with stubble or beards. Some with kids, some still chasing their dreams. All were just as friendly as when i knew them years ago. There was a sense that going to Jays funeral next morning was going to be something quite profound. I got a lot of free drinks WINNING!

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Jam the stoner waister guy who is somewhat of a paradox in
that he has his own business, wife & 2 kids and makes
everyone smile. A legend in his own right.

So next day i got ready to head to the funeral, it rained , poored down as we entered to church. More people i had not seen in years arrived all grown up and i was pleased to see they remembered me fondly. The video i had made and placed on Facebook had apparently moved quite a few, because it showed Jay from all through his growing up, as he moved through generations of friends. People would refer to a part of the video that was THEIR time with Jay, and Jays funeral brought them all together for the first time, four or five generations of Jays friends. To me Jay was amazing, but seeing all these people, hearing all those who he helped i was beaming with pride for Jay. 

The Church service was packed. I spent my time table
hopping between people who knew me. I even met
Jays first band 'Boonyz Uncle' again. It brought so many
back together

I used to think i was taking care of Jay, i gave him christmas presents and birthday presents never expecting anything in return. But really he took as much care of me over the years without knowing, in the way he caused me to make important choices that made me the person i am today. I could have been a much worst person if it were not for Jay, and thats the greatest gift i've ever been given.

Rest in piece my dearest most memorable friend.