A melancholy birthday

So it's my birthday.. again... 
I tend to go through these days on my own with a melancholy hope that in some way it'll be special in some way, as if the sun shining through the window is doing so just for me. That the peacefulness is something i've earned.

This year though it feels more like a pause for breathe, that i've been lucky to make it this far through the year without collapsing. The heart break and losses in this year alone throwing many points of views on their heads about love, friendship, death, abandonment and life.

Perhaps a premature 'mid life' crisis, although to look around it appears everyone is suffering a crisis in some way these days. Am i seeing only what is visible at my age, or am i witnessing a crescendo of decades long self destruction of mankind, well i know which sells more consumer media at least.

Currently my Facebook profile is racking up many birthday messages from people who have been notified that its my birthday, and as wonderful as this is my wondering thoughts are of the messages i won't get this year via the countless forms of communication available to me now. Messages from friends who have chosen to be no more, from Jon, and of course from Jason.

But in this gloom i still get a sparkle of delight from the few friends who make themselves known and remind me that i am still thought of.

It's been a tough year, and it has been made more so by the fact so many of my friends around the world have also found it tough.

So today i take a breather before i adorn my emotional armour once again and plough on with the final bit of the year.

Thanks everyone who's sent me kind birthday messages XD